


A Beautiful Beginning to a Painful End

by WinterSky101



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Crew as Family, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Gen, Injury, Minor Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso, Minor Chirrut Îmwe/Baze Malbus, Nightmares, POV Jyn Erso, Post-Battle of Scarif, Post-Rogue One, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rogue One Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 09:19:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10357182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterSky101/pseuds/WinterSky101
Summary: When the light reaches Jyn and Cassian, it's just that - light.The Rogue One crew survives Scarif and returns to a Rebellion in chaos.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from this quote by Vanshika Dhyani: “The place where the sea kisses the sky is a beautiful beginning to a painful end.”

When the light reaches Jyn and Cassian, it's just that - light. Jyn cautiously opens her eyes after it passes. Cassian is still in her arms, or perhaps she's in his, or perhaps they're both just holding each other like they're the only beings left in the universe.

But they're not, and there may be other survivors on Scarif. "Cassian," Jyn urges. "Cassian, we have to get up."

Cassian doesn't respond. He doesn't even seem to be breathing. Terror begins slinking into Jyn's mind. Has Cassian died in her arms? Is she holding a body?

Jyn pulls away in horror. Cassian is unconscious, but she can see his chest rising and falling. He's not dead, not yet. There's something strange about his breathing, but Jyn doesn't have the time to worry about that. As long as he's alive, there's hope.

"Cassian!"

Jyn looks up in shock. They'd thought K-2SO was destroyed, but the now-familiar silhouette of an Imperial security droid is approaching, and no one else says Cassian's name quite like that. "We're here!" she screams. "Kay, we're here!"

K-2 is there in an instant. "Cassian is injured," he says sharply. "There is a-"

"I don't want to hear his chances," Jyn interrupts harshly.

K-2 manages to look irritated somehow, but something on Jyn's face must tell him that it's not the right time to test her. "Can you walk?"

"I'll manage." Her ankle is hurt - probably broken - but she doesn't think K-2 can carry both her and Cassian. Of the two of them, she's in better shape. She'll have to make do.

K-2 picks up Cassian with unbelievable tenderness. "We should look for a ship," he suggests. "Follow me."

They don't get far before the roar of a ship's engines echoes around them. Jyn reaches for her blaster, but she must have lost it at some point. Even if she had a weapon, it wouldn't make a difference, not against the Empire.

She was prepared to die on this beach, and if it comes to it, she still is.

The ship lowers and the cargo hatch opens. To Jyn's surprise, no stormtroopers pour out of the door. Instead, they hear Bodhi's voice yell, "Get in!"

Jyn doesn't think twice.

The ship isn't the one they flew in on, but Bodhi seems to know his way around it anyway. Chirrut and Baze are lying along the seats, both of them clumsily bandaged. K-2 lays Cassian along another row of seats as Jyn makes her way to the cockpit.

"How did you all survive?" she demands.

Bodhi's eyes are too wide with panic, but his gaze only flickers to Jyn for an instant before he focuses on flying again. "A stormtrooper threw a grenade into the ship, but I got out in time. The blast was big enough that I was able to get away." His voice is a bit too loud, but Jyn attributes it to his clear hysteria. If she looks closely, she can see light burns peppering his body. "I got to another ship. I found Chirrut and Baze and went to find you."

"How are they?" Jyn asks, looking over her shoulder.

Bodhi shoots her another quick look. "I didn't have a lot of time, but I don't think Baze is that badly hurt. But Chirrut…"

"Cassian too," Jyn replies grimly. "We need to get to Yavin, fast."

"It won't be easy to get off Scarif. We need someone in the gun."

"I'll-"

"I'll do it," K-2 interrupts. "You should go with Cassian. You can treat him better than I can. I have limited knowledge of medical procedures."

Jyn is about to reply that she probably doesn't know any more than K-2, but then she remembers a few field medicine tricks that Saw taught her. She nods sharply and heads back to the cargo bay. On her way there, she begins cataloguing their injuries. Bodhi has his light burns, and if there's anything else, she hasn't seen it. She's bruised from head to toe, and her ankle is broken, but there's nothing seriously wrong with her. K-2 seems to be in fine working order.

Cassian, she discovers as she checks him over, has a broken leg, a blaster wound in his side, and at least half a dozen broken ribs. Jyn listens to the way he breathes and knows that he's bleeding somewhere on the inside. This is far beyond her rudimentary skills. His only hope is that they get to Yavin IV in time.

Since Bodhi said Baze wasn't that badly hurt, Jyn checks on Chirrut next. His pulse is weak and thready and every inch of his body seems to be cut, broken, or bruised. Judging by the burns, Jyn's guessing he was at the center of an explosion. She can't help but wonder what was going on down on the beach while she and Cassian were getting the plans.

Chirrut's wounds are also more than she can heal, so Jyn just adjusts his bandages a bit and moves on to Baze. She lets out a long, relieved breath when she finds out that, just as Bodhi said, his injuries aren't that severe. He was clearly shot multiple times, but his breastplate and the layer of armor under his clothes (which Jyn didn't know was there until she just found it) absorbed the worst of it. He looks like he was caught on the edge of an explosion too, and Jyn wonders if it was the same one that Chirrut was injured in.

She begins to rewrap one of Baze's bandages when his hand grabs her wrist tightly. "Chirrut," he demands hoarsely.

"He's right here," Jyn tells him soothingly. "He's alive."

Baze sits up and staggers over to Chirrut's side. He takes his hand and squeezes it gently. "The Force protected us," he whispers. "You were right, Chirrut, it's still there."

Jyn looks at them for a long moment, then she limps back over to Cassian and sinks heavily into the seat next to him. She takes his hand gently and feels for his pulse. It's weaker than it should be, but it's still there.

Jyn has no idea how they get off Scarif. Later, K-2 and Bodhi tell her that the Imperial fleet was in enough disarray that they were able to get almost all the way out before anyone realized that the ship didn't have the proper clearance codes. At that point, they were shot at, K-2 shot back, and Bodhi punched his way into hyperspace.

Later, Jyn finds this out. But during the escape, she just holds Cassian's hand and counts his heartbeats and hopes.

* * *

"How did you survive?" Jyn asks K-2SO hoarsely. The cargo hold isn't silent, exactly, but the words are a bit jarring none the less. The only other sounds are Cassian's ragged, uneven breaths and Baze's whispered prayers. Chirrut's breathing is soft enough that Jyn can't hear it, but his chest is still rising, so he's still alive.

"I didn't," K-2 replies. "This isn't my body."

Jyn shifts slightly, trying to get a bit more comfortable without letting go of Cassian's hand. "What do you mean?"

"When I downloaded information from the other KX droid, I uploaded a backup of myself," K-2 explains. "I set it to activate if my main body was terminated."

"So this is another droid's body?"

"But my programming."

"I'm glad you survived," Jyn says. "Cassian will be glad."

K-2 looks at Cassian. "There is only a-"

"I don't want to hear his odds," Jyn snaps.

"We're almost at Yavin," Bodhi calls. His voice is trembling slightly. "K-2, I need your authorization codes so they don't shoot us out of the sky."

K-2 looks at Jyn for a moment, then goes to the cockpit with Bodhi. Jyn looks over at Baze and Chirrut, then she looks at Cassian. She wishes they could upload their consciousnesses to new bodies like K-2 did, but of course they can't. She'll have to hope that Cassian and Chirrut's bodies can heal.

They start lowering down to the surface slowly. Jyn stands when the door opens. Medics swarm in and lift Chirrut and Cassian onto hover-stretchers. Jyn follows them, Baze walking alongside her. She hears Bodhi scramble down from the cockpit, and K-2 follows him. Together, they all make their way to the medical bay.

General Draven meets them there. "Do you have a copy of the plans?" he demands.

Jyn looks up from the medical droid that's scanning her. "No," she replies, confused. "Don't you?"

"The ship that had the copy of the plans is missing," Draven replies. His face is grim. "And the flagship that received the transmission was destroyed."

"You mean you don't have the plans," Jyn says, horror kindling in her gut. After all that, after everything they went through, the rebels don't have the plans.

"Not yet," Draven says, sounding almost like he's trying to be comforting. He makes quick eye contact with one of the medics. "Don't worry about it. Focus on getting well."

The words sound like they're from a script. They're also utterly ridiculous. How is Jyn supposed to not worry about this? But Draven disappears before she can ask him anything else, and Jyn is left in the medical bay.

She looks over at Bodhi, Baze, and K-2. She knows they heard the news just like she did. None of them say a word.

* * *

There's only enough bacta for one tank. Jyn's heart sinks when she hears this, because she's no expert, but even she knows that both Cassian and Chirrut need a bacta tank.

In the end, the decision is easy. The medics say that Cassian can survive without a bacta tank, and Chirrut can't. Chirrut goes into the tank and the medics treat Cassian the best they can without one.

Jyn refuses to leave Cassian's bedside, so the medics bandage her ankle from the chair. She's given painkillers and access to the closest fresher, if she wants to use it. She does want to, but she won't leave Cassian for that long.

Baze only agrees to be checked by the medics when they agree to let him sit by Chirrut's bacta tank as he heals. He's not badly hurt, and even though the medics offer him use of the fresher as well, he doesn't move from his seat next to the bacta tank. Jyn has the feeling that when he says he's not going to leave Chirrut until he's healed, he's being entirely serious.

None of Bodhi's burns are serious, nor are his other wounds. The medics do diagnose some hearing loss in both ears, probably from the explosion. Jyn thinks about how Bodhi keeps talking a little too loud and wonders how she missed it.

The five of them are, they find out, some the only survivors from the the fighting on the ground on Scarif. Only a handful made it off the planet. Jyn mourns the loss of so many good men and women. She doesn't want to be the one to tell Cassian that so many of his friends are dead.

Bodhi is the only one of them to take advantage of the fresher. He doesn't stay in there long, and when he comes out, he's wearing ill-fitting clothes that Jyn doesn't recognize. He's offered a bed, but he just curls up at the foot of Cassian's like a cat instead. He's asleep in an instant. Jyn almost wants to join him, but she's worried that, if she falls asleep, she'll miss something. She's not sure what she'll miss, but she's terrified that it'll be important.

The lull of the medical bay makes it hard to stay awake, but Jyn fights the urge to sleep. Instead, she grips the Kyber crystal around her neck and hopes. _"Rebellions are built on hope,"_ Cassian told her, and if hope is that strong, it has to be strong enough to save Cassian and Chirrut. It has to be strong enough to keep them all alive.

"Sergeant Erso?"

For a moment, Jyn forgets her new rank. Then she realizes that she's being addressed and blinks up at the medic leaning over her. "Yes?"

"General Draven wants to speak with you, if you're up to it." There's sympathy on the medic's face as she looks from Jyn to Cassian. Jyn realizes that she's holding Cassian's hand and almost drops it at the scrutiny, but she can't bring herself to let go.

"I can't leave them," Jyn replies hoarsely. "I can't."

"I'll tell him to wait until morning," the medic says, resting a gentle hand on Jyn's shoulder. "Get some rest, Sergeant."

Jyn wonders how people expect her to rest, after everything, with the fate of two of her friends still hanging in the balance. She can't sleep. She can barely even close her eyes.

"Sergeant Erso." This voice is familiar, and Jyn looks up at K-2SO. "I believe you are avoiding sleep. If you are worried, there is only a 3.7% chance that Cassian will die while you're sleeping."

"I can't sleep. If something happens-"

"If something happens, it is unlikely that you would make much of a difference, awake or asleep," K-2 replies. Jyn gets the feeling he's trying to be helpful.

"It'll make a difference to me," Jyn says. She rubs at her eyes, trying to stay awake.

"I will wake you if anything happens," K-2 offers. "I am very effective at waking people up. Cassian has told me that many times."

"Was he happy when he said it?" Jyn asks, a suggestion of a smile on her lips.

"Funnily enough, I do not believe he was," K-2 replies. "You should also use the fresher. I do not have olfactory sensors, but if I did, I believe they would be offended."

"Are you telling me I stink?" Jyn accuses.

"I have no way of knowing for certain, but there is a-"

"I don't need to know the chance of me smelling, thanks."

Jyn stands up stiffly. Her ankle throbs somewhat less, but she's still careful to keep weight off it as much as possible. The fresher is only on the other side of the medical bay, but there's a strange feeling in Jyn's stomach from being that far from the others. She looks over at them, at Cassian in his bed and Bodhi curled up at the end and K-2 standing guard at the head, and Chirrut in his bacta tank and Baze sitting next to it. They're back on Yavin. They're home. They're _safe_.

Jyn steps into the fresher and looks around. There are two neat piles of clothes on the counter. One pile has clothes that are made for someone much bigger than Jyn, and she assumes they're for Baze. The other pile has undeniably feminine clothes that Jyn assumes are for her. She wonders who they belong to. There are two folded towels on the counter as well, and there's a used towel - Bodhi's - hanging neatly on the rack.

Jyn strips off her clothes and leaves them in a heap on the floor. She steps into the shower and turns on the spray. She's glad it's not a sonic shower. Water always seems to cleanse better than anything else.

Jyn closes her eyes as the water pounds onto her back. Tears are burning her eyes, but she knows that if she starts, she won't be able to stop. She tries to hold them back the best she can, but the tears refuse to be stopped. All it takes is one harsh, jagged inhale, and then Jyn is sobbing, her tears mingling with the water falling from the shower head. She's crying for everyone they lost on Scarif, for her father, for Saw, for her mother, for everyone they've lost and will lose. She's crying because she never had a chance to be innocent and because Cassian has been fighting the Empire since he was six years old and because Bodhi only ever wanted to try to make things right and because Baze was once as devout a believer as any Guardian and because Chirrut still manages to smile even though he has lost almost everything he ever had. She cries because none of them deserve this, no one deserves this.

And then, slowly, her tears stop and she just breathes. The water continues to run down her skin and she closes her eyes and lets it. For a moment, for just a few heartbeats, things are peaceful.

Then Jyn scrubs her body clean and steps out of the shower. She dries herself with the towel, dresses in the clothes left for her, and steps out of the fresher.

No one has moved. K-2 is still at his post next to Cassian. He makes eye contact with Jyn for a moment and shakes his head slightly, answering her unspoken question. No change.

"You should sleep," K-2 tells Jyn when she reclaims her seat at Cassian's side. "I have been told that a chair is not an appropriate substitute for a bed. The bed next to Cassian's is available."

Jyn shakes her head. "I don't want to sleep."

K-2 can't frown, but Jyn knows he would if he could. "Humans suffer from limited efficiency if they do not get enough sleep."

"I'm not sleeping until I know they're going to be okay."

"Considering their injuries and the medical care here, there is only a 4.8% chance that Cassian will die and a 5.1% chance that Îmwe will die."

"I'm not sleeping until that chance is zero," Jyn declares.

"Sleep," Baze grunts. Jyn turns in her chair to look at him. She hadn't realized he was aware of anything but Chirrut. "The droid and I will keep watch."

"I have a name," K-2 complains in his prissiest voice.

"You need sleep too," Jyn protests weakly.

"Sleep," Baze repeats. He looks back at Chirrut, as if he's just as worried to look away as Jyn is.

"I will wake you if anything happens," K-2 promises. "I'm good-"

"At waking people, you told me."

"Well, you didn't seem to pay attention the first time, so I thought it was worth repeating," K-2 replies petulantly.

"Did Cassian reprogram you?" Jyn asks.

"He did," K-2 replies. "Why?"

"I was wondering where you got the whininess from," Jyn replies. "I don't think it was him."

"I would much prefer you to be sleeping right now," K-2 declares.

Jyn makes a hoarse sound deep in her throat. It takes her a moment to realize it's a laugh.

In the end, Jyn falls asleep in the chair next to Cassian's bed. When she wakes up the next morning, there's a blanket draped over her, and she doesn't know if it was Baze or K-2 who put it there.

* * *

General Draven can only be put off for so long. Jyn still doesn't think she should be the one speaking for the team (it should be Cassian, she wishes it could be Cassian), but of those of them who are conscious, Baze won't leave Chirrut's side, Bodhi looks too sick at the mere thought for Jyn to ever think of making him do it, and K-2SO says that Draven prefers to debrief with organics instead of droids.

Jyn might have to meet with Draven, but she refuses to leave the medical bay, so he meets her there. He looks at Bodhi and Baze, gaze flickering past K-2 like he's not there. "Sergeant Erso," he says, his voice twisting around the rank as if he doesn't want to say it. Jyn wonders if she's going to be demoted. "I would really prefer to talk someplace more private."

"Anything you want to say to me, you can say in front of Bodhi, Baze, and K-2," Jyn replies. She won't budge on this, and something must tell Draven that, because he sighs and drags an empty chair over to Cassian's bed.

"You're the only one who was given a rank, correct?" Draven asks.

"The others deserve it as much as I do," Jyn retorts. Draven gives her a look. "But I was the only one given a rank."

"Hmm." Draven presses his lips together. "I hope you realize all of this is highly irregular. You all did disobey direct orders."

"This is a rebellion," Jyn replies. "We rebelled."

"If you hadn't gotten your hands on those plans, we'd be having a very different conversation," Draven adds.

"But we did get our hands on the plans." Jyn leans forward. "Where are they?"

Draven sighs. "The transmission was received by the flagship _Profundity_. The ship was destroyed during the battle, but the plans were passed on to the _Tantive IV_. The last we heard, Darth Vader's ship the _Devastator_ was in pursuit of the _Tantive IV_. We haven't heard from it since the battle."

"There are no other copies of the plans?" Jyn asks. She wishes she'd had the time to look them over herself, to find out what the weakness was so she could pass on the information to the Rebellion. Then again, she hadn't really expected to survive long enough to get back to the Rebellion at all.

"None."

Bodhi makes a soft, defeated noise. Jyn puts a hand on his knee and squeezes gently. "Then what do we do?"

"I don't know," Draven replies. "Do you know anything at all that could help us?"

"I wish I did." Jyn has seen firsthand what the Death Star can do - seen it twice, and been helpless both times. If she knew how to destroy it, the words wouldn't be able to leave her mouth fast enough. "All I know is what my father said in his message. The flaw is in the reactor core. But we need the plans to know where to hit."

Draven sighs. "Well, that's something, at least."

"The Death Star will come for us," Jyn warns. "If the Empire finds out where we are, we'll be the first target."

"The Empire doesn't know where we are," Draven replies.

"Are you willing to stake the lives of everyone on this moon on that?"

Draven scowls. "What do you expect me to do about it?"

Jyn presses her lips together. She doesn't have a good response, and they both know it. They're in an impossible situation. They've sustained heavy losses in their attempt to figure out how to disable the Empire's planet-killer, and now the only thing that could help them do that is missing. Jyn knows that Draven has no idea what to do, and she knows it because she feels the same.

"Is there any hope?" Bodhi asks softly.

"As long as we live, there's hope," Jyn replies. Her hand is still on Bodhi's knee, and she squeezes it lightly again.

"I'll leave you to recover," Draven says, standing. "When Captain Andor wakes, tell him the Council has decided, given the circumstances, that there will be no repercussions for your disobeying orders."

Jyn bristles. "If we hadn't-"

"I know," Draven agrees. "That's why we're not going to punish you."

The mood is undeniably subdued when Draven leaves. "What do we do now?" Bodhi asks, his voice shaking. "The Death Star is still out there, and we're no closer to destroying it than we were before."

"Statistically, that is untrue," K-2 pipes in. "Before we had the knowledge of the flaw in the system, there was an almost negligible possibility of the rebels being able to destroy the Death Star. Now, with the plans potentially still in Rebel hands, we have a higher chance."

"How high?" Jyn asks.

K-2 doesn't respond for a long moment. "The chance that we would all survive Scarif was only 1.03%," he finally says. "I have found that the Rebellion does not listen to the odds very well."

"So low, then."

"Chirrut would say that all is as the Force wills it," Baze remarks gruffly.

"Does that mean the the Force has willed all of this?" Jyn retorts.

"We are alive," Baze replies.

"The Rebellion is alive," Bodhi adds. "And we did find the plans."

"And the Empire controls the galaxy, and almost everyone on Scarif died, and the Death Star plans are lost," Jyn retorts sharply.

"You are even more pessimistic than Cassian," K-2 remarks curiously.

"What about it?" Jyn snaps.

"A very small percentage of people are more pessimistic than Cassian," K-2 replies. "This is an interesting statistical discovery."

Bodhi snorts. Jyn shoves him. He yelps as he falls out of the chair, but the mood is lightened all the same.

* * *

Chirrut is taken out of the bacta tank that evening. "He probably won't wake for another day or so," the medic says as she lays him out on the bed next to Cassian's. Baze has moved his chair from the tank to the bed. Jyn's chair is on the other side of Cassian's bed, which means she's farther from Chirrut than she was before. She considers moving it, but she's exhausted. The few hours of sleep that she got the night before weren't really enough.

"You should sleep," the medic tells Jyn, clapping her gently on the shoulder. "You'll heal faster if you get enough rest."

"I'll watch Cassian," Bodhi says, his voice no longer so awkwardly loud. The medics fitted him with hearing aids earlier, and he keeps jumping at every noise. Jyn hadn't thought that Bodhi could get jumpier than he already was, but she was wrong.

"Captain Andor will be fine," the medic says. "You don't need to worry about him."

Jyn makes a disbelieving noise in her throat. "You think I'm not going to worry about him?"

"Jyn, you should sleep," Bodhi says, leaning forward and looking at her with his big eyes and damn, Jyn doesn't think anyone would be able to deny those eyes.

"Only a few hours," she says.

"You should sleep at least four hours to return to optimum processing speeds," K-2 remarks.

"Four hours, then," Bodhi says. "Come on, Jyn, you know Cassian would want you to take care of yourself."

Jyn sighs and crawls into the bed next to Cassian's. She doesn't think she's going to be able to sleep, but she drifts off almost immediately.

_She's on the comms tower, and Krennic is pointing his blaster at her and then there's a blast and Krennic falls. Cassian is leaning against a pillar, blaster in his hand, and Jyn barely has a second to smile at him before there's the sound of another shot and Cassian falls._

_"No!" Jyn screams, and she shoots Krennic once, twice, three times, before she runs to Cassian's side._

_"Jyn," he whispers, his fingers reaching for her. She grips them tightly. The new wound is in his gut, and Jyn knows Cassian isn't going to survive this. "Jyn, go."_

_"I'm not going anywhere," Jyn tells him fiercely. "I'm not leaving you here."_

_"You can get out," Cassian whispers. "You can get out-"_

_"Not without you," Jyn says. "Not without you, Cassian."_

_"Jyn-" Cassian spasms in pain and Jyn squeezes his fingers. She can't lose him, not now, not after everything-_

_"I'm not leaving you," Jyn says again. "I'm not leaving you."_

_But Cassian's eyes are already dulling and Jyn knows that pretty soon there won't be anyone left to leave._

_She screams-_

"Jyn!"

There are hands holding each of hers and she struggles but the hands don't release her. She manages to break free of one and swings blindly, but she doesn't make contact with anything. "Jyn, it was just a dream!"

And, when the words register, she freezes, because that's Bodhi's voice, and if it was just a dream…

Jyn lurches upright, ignoring Bodhi for the moment and looking to her right. Cassian is lying in the bed next to hers, his chest rising perhaps a bit shallowly but still regularly enough. He's alive. He shot Krennic and Krennic fell and he didn't get up again. He's alright.

"It was just a dream," Jyn breathes.

"It was just a dream," Bodhi agrees, leaning forward carefully. "Are you alright?

"I'm alright," Jyn says, closing her eyes and breathing. "I'm alright."

"Perhaps sleeping was a bad idea," K-2 suggests. "Cassian often has nightmares. When he does, the probability that he can go back to sleep is 27.86%, and the probability that he is able to sleep without another nightmare is only 6.3%. I cannot accurately calculate your probabilities without additional data, but I assume that they are similar."

"They probably are," Jyn agrees, her voice rough. She looks over at Cassian again, and then past him at Chirrut and Baze. Chirrut hasn't stirred, but Baze is watching her with an inscrutable expression on his face. Most of Baze's expressions are inscrutable, so Jyn doesn't worry about it too much.

"If you want to try to go back to sleep, I can stay up and watch Cassian," Bodhi offers.

Jyn shakes her head. "You should sleep. I'll watch Cassian."

"Are you sure?"

Jyn nods, standing and moving from the bed to the chair next to Cassian's bed. "I'm sure."

Bodhi carefully removes his new hearing aids and sets them on the table next to the bed, then he curls up under the covers. Even though he has the whole thing to himself, he still only takes up a third of the bed at most. He's asleep in moments.

"I hope he can sleep," Jyn says quietly.

"He appears to be asleep now," K-2 remarks.

Jyn shakes her head, feeling exhaustion settle into her bones. "No, I mean I hope he can stay asleep without nightmares."

"Oh." K-2 looks over at Bodhi. "I believe he had a nightmare last night while you were sleeping, but it didn't wake him."

"I bet anyone who worked with the Empire has a lot of nightmare fuel stored up," Jyn says wryly.

"I worked with the Empire, and I don't have nightmares," K-2 counters.

"Can you?"

"No, but it disproves your theory regardless."

Jyn shakes her head. "Why does Cassian put up with you?"

"Cassian and I have been friends for years," K-2 retorts prissily. "The real question is why he puts up with _you_."

"The real question is why do _I_ put up with you," Jyn mutters, but there's an edge of fondness to her voice.

"I could say the same," K-2 counters, but Jyn thinks he sounds a little fond too.

* * *

Jyn dozes off at some point and wakes up to find K-2 doing… something with a datapad. "What're you doing?" she asks, her voice gravely from sleep.

"Checking what news the Rebellion has on the plans," K-2 replies.

"Are you hacking their databases?" Jyn asks, pushing herself upright.

"He is," Bodhi says. He's drumming his fingers nervously on his leg. "I told him to stop but he won't."

"We got those plans," K-2 says irritably. "We ought to know where they are."

"No one knows where they are, Kay," Jyn replies.

"The Rebellion believes that Darth Vader's ship overtook the _Tantive IV_ , but they have no proof of it," K-2 says. "I calculate there being a 87.9% chance it did."

"And if it did, does that mean that the Empire has the plans back?" Bodhi asks in a soft voice.

"If the Empire has the ship, there is a 93.2% chance they have the plans," K-2 replies. "But there is a chance that the plans might have been jettisoned before the ship was overtaken."

"So they're just drifting aimlessly in space?" Jyn asks. "Or stuck on some planet in the middle of nowhere?"

"Was everything we did for nothing?" Bodhi asks in a small voice. "Did you see the casualty lists from Scarif? Almost everyone who was there is dead. Melshi died. A lot of the reinforcements that came in to save us are dead."

"We got the plans," Jyn snaps. "They destroyed their own records. It wasn't for nothing."

"But we wanted to get the plans so we could destroy the Death Star!" Bodhi protests. His hands are shaking. "If the plans are lost, then the Death Star won't be destroyed and it'll destroy us instead."

"We can beat them. We have hope." Jyn will hold onto that until she has nothing else left. "We have hope."

Bodhi leans forward in his seat, raking his fingers through his hair. "I'm going to the fresher," he said shortly, getting up and walking stiffly to the fresher doors.

"You are normally more pessimistic than this," K-2 says to Jyn. "You were more pessimistic than this yesterday. Why are you so optimistic today?"

"I'm not," Jyn replies. "Not really. I- I don't want to see Bodhi like this. He should be more optimistic."

"Rook is not wrong in his assumptions."

"I don't care." Jyn reaches for Cassian's hand and takes it, her fingers curling around his wrist to find his pulse. "We do have hope."

"You seem to place an unreasonable amount of weight on the idea of hope."

"Rebellions are built on hope." Jyn brushes her thumb over Cassian's knuckles. "Cassian told me that."

"I know." K-2 doesn't sound particularly convinced. "Cassian can be overly sentimental at times."

"Rebellions are built on hope," Jyn repeats. She squeezes Cassian's hand gently. "We have hope. Rebellions are built on hope."

"We do have hope," Bodhi agrees. His voice is a little rough. Jyn looks up at him, standing by the end of Cassian's bed. "I forgot. I'm sorry."

"We all forget sometimes," Jyn replies. She reaches forward and takes Bodhi's hand. One of her hands is still gripping Cassian's, so she's linked the three of them now. She has a mad impulse to ask Baze to take Cassian and Chirrut's hands, and maybe Bodhi can take K-2's. She doesn't ask.

"Rebellions are built on hope," Bodhi says softly.

Jyn offers him the best smile she can muster. "Yeah, they are."

* * *

Chirrut's eyes fly open a little before noon. "Alderaan," he breathes, and then his eyes close again and none of Baze's increasingly desperate begging can rouse him.

"He seems alright," one of the medics says after a thorough examination. "I don't know why he woke up, but his body isn't quite ready to be awake yet. He'll sleep for a while longer."

"What did he say when he woke up?" Jyn asks.

"Alderaan," Baze says roughly. "What does Alderaan have to do with anything?"

"The person in charge on the _Tantive IV_ was Princess Leia of Alderaan," K-2 offers.

It's not until almost an hour later that the news comes in, that Alderaan has been destroyed and only an asteroid field remains. They all look at each other in horror when they hear. Jyn has K-2 check the news four times before she believes it.

"The population of Alderaan was over two billion," K-2 says, his voice softer than usual. Droids aren't supposed to be able to feel grief, but in Jyn's experience, K-2 doesn't seem to care what droids are and aren't supposed to do.

"The princess was Alderaanian," Jyn says. "She had the plans."

"Do you think she was on the planet when it…" Bodhi looks at Jyn and K-2 with wide eyes.

"It is unlikely to be a coincidence," K-2 replies. "But the chance that she was on the planet when it was destroyed is only 37%."

"Only?" Jyn repeats.

"It is more likely that she was not there," K-2 replies. "If she is in Imperial custody, this might have been an attempt to get her to surrender the plans."

"Hand over the plans or we blow up your planet," Bodhi says softly. He looks like he might be sick. Jyn feels the same way.

"What are our chances, K-2?" Jyn asks, her voice just on the edge of shaking.

"There is a 42.4% chance the Empire has recovered the plans," K-2 replies. "And there is a 39.8% chance they have been destroyed."

"So what does that leave us?" Bodhi asks.

"There is a 12.1% chance the plans are lost," K-2 continues. "And a 5.7% chance they are still in Rebel hands."

Jyn presses her lips together tightly. A 5.7% chance. After everything that they did to get the plans off Scarif, there's only a 5.7% chance the plans are still in Rebel hands. "What's the likelihood that they get back to the base?" she asks.

K-2 doesn't speak for a moment. "It is very low," he finally admits, and Jyn lets out a ragged breath that's on the edge of being a sob.

"What do we do now?" Bodhi asks. "We have to do _something_. We can't just let the Empire destroy planets. How do we stop them?"

"We need the plans," Jyn says, her voice cracking. "My father-" Her father worked so hard, insinuated himself so deeply into the project so he could destroy it from the inside, and now they can't even get the plans telling them about the flaw he gave his life to create. "He told me we needed the plans to find the flaw. We need to find the flaw."

"The Empire will come looking for us," Baze says, his voice gruff. "They will find us. The Rebellion needs to be ready to fight."

"We lost a lot of ships at Scarif," K-2 replies. "Our chances of being able to beat the Empire are very low."

"We can't just sit here and wait for the Death Star to destroy us," Jyn protests. "We have to do something."

"We can't let there be another Alderaan," Bodhi says, his voice trembling. "Never again. We have to stop them before they can destroy any more homes."

"No more Jedha Cities either," Jyn agrees. "The Death Star needs to be stopped."

"You said your father's message said the flaw was in the reactor core," K-2 says.

Jyn nods. "He said that it could destroy the whole thing."

"Did he say anything else about it?" K-2 demands. "Anything that could help us figure out the flaw?"

Jyn closes her eyes and tries to remember. "I don't know," she admits in a small voice. "I- I didn't think I'd have to remember." It's not quite the truth - she can remember word-for-word what her father said about only remembering her when he was strong, because she'd committed it to memory the second she heard it - but it's close enough.

"How did the Rebels take down the shield?" Bodhi asks. "Could they do something similar with the Death Star?"

"I do not know how they took down the shield," K-2 replies. "But I doubt the Death Star could be taken down easily, and I do not know that we could repeat whatever happened above Scarif."

"We should leave this planet," Baze says. "The Empire will find us here."

"That's what I said to Draven," Jyn protests. "He didn't listen."

"Then we should leave without them," Baze replies simply. His face is solemn.

"We can't leave them to die!" Bodhi protests.

"We can do nothing to protect them."

Jyn sees Baze's eyes flicker to Chirrut for a moment. Of course he wants to leave the base if it's in danger, of course he wants to go someplace safe. Jyn can see how much he loves Chirrut. Her feelings for Cassian are only a fraction of the symbiosis that Baze and Chirrut have developed, but the mere thought of staying here and putting Cassian in danger makes Jyn feel sick. The only way she can withstand it is because she knows that Cassian would never want to leave the Rebellion in their time of need.

"The plans might still be in Rebel hands," Jyn says. "They could get here any minute. We shouldn't do anything rash yet."

Baze makes a scoffing sound that could almost be a laugh. "Most of what you do is rash, little sister."

"Not this time," Jyn replies, shaking her head. "This time, we play it safe."

"Staying here isn't playing it safe," Bodhi argues.

"No," Jyn agrees, "but it's the closest option we have."

* * *

When Chirrut wakes, Baze appears to be sleeping. His eyes open half a second after Chirrut's, though, so either he wasn't as asleep as he seemed or he and Chirrut are so closely bonded that he knew Chirrut was awake even when he wasn't. Jyn could believe either one.

"Did we all make it?" is Chirrut's first question.

"Yes," Baze replies, taking Chirrut's hand and squeezing it tightly. "The Force protected us."

"Where are we?"

"Back on the Rebel base."

Jyn feels almost as if she's intruding on a private moment. Bodhi, who's been dozing at the end of Cassian's bed, looks like he feels the same way.

"And the others are here with us?" Chirrut says, a slight smile on his face. "Hello, Jyn, Bodhi, K-2. Where's the captain?"

"Still unconscious," Jyn replies. She reaches for Cassian's hand and brushes her fingers along the inside of his wrist, a newly-formed nervous habit she uses to check his pulse. "But the medics say he should be fine."

"The Force did protect us, then," Chirrut says, sounding satisfied. "I knew it would."

"Do you remember when you woke before?" K-2 asks.

Chirrut blinks, his face creasing into a frown. "When did I wake before?"

Jyn shoots K-2 a warning look. "It was… Um…"

"Alderaan," Baze says simply.

Chirrut's face melts into a mask of horror, an expression Jyn hopes to never see on him again. He seems to be hoping for one of them to contradict what they know he already knows. "I thought it was a dream," he whispers. "The entire planet…"

"The entire planet," K-2 confirms.

"The plans might have been there," Baze adds softly.

"I don't think they were," Chirrut says, sounding certain somehow.

"How do you know?" Jyn asks.

"The Force knows all," Chirrut replies easily. "And I know what the Force chooses to tell me."

"And the Force has told you that the plans weren't on Alderaan?" Bodhi asks, sounding puzzled.

"The Force speaks to Chirrut more than it speaks to most people," Baze says gruffly. "He knows things."

"You make me sound like a Jedi," Chirrut scolds. "I am not a Jedi."

"You could have been," Baze grumbles.

"If that had been my path, the Force would have led me to the Jedi as a child," Chirrut replies smoothly. "It led me to the Order of the Whills instead. I was not meant to be a Jedi, I was meant to be a Guardian."

"If the Force has told you the plans weren't on Alderaan, do you know where they are?" Jyn asks, leaning forward. "We need to find them."

"I only know what the Force chooses to tell me," Chirrut replies, sounding regretful. "I do not think the plans were on Alderaan, but I don't know where they are."

Jyn presses her lips together. "If the Empire has them…"

Bodhi reaches out and takes her hand. "We'll figure it out," he says softly. "We'll get through this. We got through Scarif, didn't we?"

Jyn takes Cassian's hand as well, linking the three of them together again. "We'll figure it out," she repeats.

"I fear nothing, for all is as the Force wills it," Chirrut says, pushing himself upright on the bed. "I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me."

"May the Force be with us all," Jyn says, echoing the words she spoke when they were on their way to Scarif, and she can only hope that this mission ends better than that one did.

Only it's the same mission, really, and maybe that's why the Force protected them as Chirrut and Baze keep insisting. Their mission wasn't just to get the plans, it was to destroy the Death Star and to finish what her father started. Their mission isn't over yet. It won't be over until the Death Star is nothing more than stardust.

K-2 is fiddling with his datapad again. "Something interesting on there?" Jyn asks.

K-2 looks up at her. "There is a message coming in to Command," he replies. "From an unknown ship that somehow has all the right clearance codes."

"Chances that we're going to have to evacuate in five minutes?" Jyn demands, tensing.

"It-" K-2 stops, looks at the datapad again, and then looks up. "It's the princess."

"The princess?" Jyn repeats, uncomprehending.

Bodhi catches on faster and his eyes go wide. "The Alderaanian princess?" he demands.

"She has the plans," K-2 adds slowly. He doesn't sound as if he can quite believe it. "She's on her way here."

Jyn presses her fist against her mouth, trying to keep from bursting into tears. Bodhi throws himself forward and grabs her in a tight hug.

"We did it," he whispers.

"We did it," Jyn agrees, tentatively hugging Bodhi back.

Bodhi curls a hand around the back of Jyn's head, warm and close and _safe_ , and Jyn's breath hitches as she lets her tears fall.

* * *

The princess arrives with the plans that evening. Jyn considers leaving the medical bay to see her, see the plans, but she doubts she'll be able to get that far. She's only a sergeant because another rebel thought her orders would be more readily followed if she had a rank. She's not actually anyone important enough to see the plans or the newly-rescued princess.

And then, that night, a young woman in a dirty white dress enters the medical bay.

"Sergeant Erso," the woman says, stepping forward. Her hair is twisted into two messy buns, one on each side of her head. Her dress is stained and filthy. She's probably a few years younger than Jyn. She shouldn't look like an authority figure, and yet there's an unmistakable aura of command around her.

"Princess Leia, I assume," Jyn replies, because she can't think of anyone else this young woman could be.

"I understand I have you to thank for getting the plans," the princess says, looking over the entire team.

Chirrut smiles softly and pushes himself upright. Baze helps him wordlessly. "We thank you for finishing our mission and bringing the plans back to the base," Chirrut says gently. "And we're all so sorry about what happened to Alderaan."

The princess blinks rapidly a few times in a way Jyn knows intimately. It never does any good to let people see you cry, especially not people you're not sure you can trust. "The loss of Alderaan is a loss to us all," she replies, her voice bravely steady.

"Princess, we- I mean, the three of us-" Bodhi gestures awkwardly at himself, Baze, and Chirrut. "We're all from Jedha City. It's not… It's not the same as losing your whole planet, but-"

The princess' jaw works furiously for a moment. Jyn isn't sure whether she should offer comfort or if that'll only make things worse. Then she remembers that the princess' parents were on Alderaan, and even if she can't relate to her home planet being destroyed since she's has never had much of a home planet, she can relate to her parents being gone.

"You probably don't want to talk about it right now, but we're here, if you ever do want to talk," Jyn says softly. "We can't understand, but we can try."

"Thank you." The princess nods deeply, leaving her head down for maybe a moment longer than it needs to be. Jyn knows as well as the others that she's taking a moment to compose herself. No one calls her out on it. "Give Captain Andor my regards when wakes," the princess adds. "You managed to save him again, K-2SO."

"We all saved Cassian," K-2 replies. "He will be relieved to know you're alright, Princess."

The princess nods again. "I must go, but I want you to know that you have the thanks of the rebellion for what you did on Scarif."

"We did it because it was the right thing to do," Jyn says softly.

The princess looks placid. "You have our thanks regardless," she replies, and then she turns and leaves the medical bay with measured steps that seem more suited to a throne room than a rickety Rebellion base.

"So," Jyn says. "That's the princess. K-2, how do you and Cassian know her?"

"Cassian has worked with Princess Leia on two occasions," K-2 replies. "One of them was before I was reprogrammed, but I assisted on the other."

"She seems nice," Bodhi offers.

"Did you feel how she glowed?" Chirrut asks Baze.

Baze frowns. "What do you mean?"

"She glowed with the Force," Chirrut explains. "She is strong in it, stronger than anyone I've ever met."

"Does she know?" Jyn asks.

"I don't think so," Chirrut replies.

"You'll have to teach her," Baze grunts.

"I don't know about that," Chirrut demurs.

"She brought the plans," Jyn whispers, struck with it all over again. The plans are in Rebel hands. They're going to use them to destroy the Death Star. Everything is going to be alright.

"General Dodonna is beginning to plan the attack," K-2 reports from his datapad. "The fleet will attack tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Jyn repeats. "Why not today?"

"It's late," Bodhi says softly. "The pilots will fly better after they get some rest."

"The Empire won't be resting," Jyn protests, dimly aware that her voice is getting louder and higher.

"Jyn," Chirrut says softly, cutting through the buzzing in her ears. "It'll be alright. We are one with the Force, and the Force is with us."

"We are one with the Force, and the Force is with us," Jyn repeats a bit dubiously. She's not sure how much she agrees with the words, but there's something comforting in the mantra anyway.

"All is as the Force wills it, and I cannot believe the Force wills us to die now, not after all it's done to protect us," Chirrut adds.

"We'll be alright," Bodhi adds, and Jyn nods and wraps her arms around her own torso tightly.

"You should sleep," K-2 says. "You will not be able to perform at optimum levels unless you sleep."

"We have the plans," Bodhi says softly. He looks over at Jyn. "Do you want to sleep on Cassian's bed?"

"I'll take the other bed," Jyn says, getting up and listening to her joints crack. Bodhi curls up at the foot of Cassian's bed. Jyn would accept Bodhi's offer to lie there for a night, but she isn't sure if Cassian would be alright with it. She's also not sure if she would really be able to sleep that close to another person. The other bed is close enough that she can see Cassian and the others, so she sleeps there and lets Bodhi sleep at the end of Cassian's bed. She curls up on her own bed instead, whispers "we have the plans" to herself once more, and closes her eyes.

* * *

There's a meeting where General Dodonna shares the Death Star weakness - a thermal exhaust port that can lead to a chain reaction that will destroy the whole station - and assigns the pilots to the attack. K-2 somehow sets something up with his datapad so they can hear the speech and see the plans. Jyn doesn't think she wants to know how K-2 does it.

When Dodonna enters the medical bay, Baze and Chirrut are talking in voices too soft for the others to hear, Bodhi is in the fresher, and Jyn is counting Cassian's heartbeats. K-2 slides his datapad out of sight stealthily.

"Where is Rook?" Dodonna asks.

Chirrut and Baze stop talking. Jyn frowns. "Why?"

"We need every pilot available for the Death Star run," Dodonna replies, and Jyn's heart almost stops. No, _no_ , Dodonna is not taking Bodhi away from her for another suicide mission. They only barely survived their last one, and Jyn's not letting Bodhi go on another one by himself.

"He's not available," Jyn says icily.

Dodonna looks surprised for a moment, then annoyed. "Sergeant Erso, I would think that you of all people would understand the importance of success for this mission. We need every available pilot."

"I told you, Bodhi's not available," Jyn repeats. "He's not yet cleared for duty. He's not going out there."

"Erso-"

"Rook was a cargo pilot with the Empire," K-2 interrupts. "The chances that he would be able to pilot an X-wing with any success are very low."

Dodonna scowls. "We need every pilot on this mission to increase its chances of success."

"Rook's participation in the mission does not raise its chances of success," K-2 says bluntly.

"You can't take him," Jyn adds. She's on her feet and not entirely sure when she stood up. K-2 is standing behind her and, if Jyn's being honest, is probably much more of a deterrent than she is.

Dodonna looks at both of them. "The mission-" he begins.

"Rook will not raise the mission's chances of success," K-2 repeats. Dodonna scowls again. Jyn has the feeling she's making an enemy, but she doesn't particularly care.

"General," Chirrut says mildly, "all will be as the Force wills it. If the Force wishes for the Death Star to be destroyed, it will be, whether or not Bodhi joins the mission."

Dodonna doesn't look like he cares about what the Force wills, but Baze apparently looks threatening enough that he isn't going to argue with Chirrut. "You will all be expected to help the Rebellion when you're cleared for duty," he says instead, and he leaves.

Jyn's knees suddenly feel weak and she drops back into the chair. K-2 sits as well, picking up his datapad again.

"Is he gone?" Bodhi asks softly, poking his head out of the fresher.

"Did you hear him?" Jyn demands.

Bodhi steps out shyly. "I should help," he offers weakly.

"You do not know how to fly an X-wing or a Y-wing, do you?" K-2 asks.

Bodhi blinks. "No."

"Then the chance that you would have an impact on the mission success is only 2.7%," K-2 declares.

"Oh." Bodhi looks like he's not sure if he should be offended or not.

"You're not cleared for duty anyway," Jyn adds. "They can't make you do anything."

"We've done our part," Baze says. "It's their turn."

Jyn takes Cassian's hand again and puts her fingers against his wrist, feeling his pulse. The medics told her earlier that he should wake soon, and Jyn is waiting eagerly for the moment he does. Once he wakes, once she knows he'll be okay, she thinks she'll be able to breathe easier.

"Oh." K-2 sounds surprised and almost a little scared. Jyn is immediately alert.

"What?"

"The Death Star is here," K-2 says, and a buzzing starts in Jyn's ears. She only vaguely hears him say that they'll be in range in twenty-four minutes. They survived Jedha and they survived Scarif but Yavin IV will be like Alderaan, they'll destroy the entire planet and no one will survive. They'll all die in a burst of light, just like Jyn almost died on Scarif, just like Saw died on Jedha, just like two billion people died on Alderaan.

"The attack will commence before the Death Star is in range," K-2 says. Jyn forces herself to listen. "It is likely that it will be destroyed before it is able to fire." Jyn wonders vaguely if K-2 is exaggerating their odds, but decides she doesn't want to know.

"We can destroy it," Bodhi says, his voice higher than usual.

"I fear nothing, for all is as the Force wills it," Chirrut says softly. "There is nothing to fear, for all is as the Force wills it."

"The Force will not abandon us," Baze adds, and if Baze believes it, Jyn thinks she probably should as well. But the Death Star is _right there_ , and her heart is beating too fast for her to calm down. She's still holding Cassian's hand, and she reaches out for Bodhi's. He takes hers with a gentle squeeze. Jyn has no idea how Chirrut knows that they're holding hands, but he takes Baze's and nudges Baze slightly with his elbow until Baze takes Cassian's other hand. Bodhi takes K-2's hand, much to his confusion, and Jyn breathes a little easier because they're all linked, just like she wanted. They're all together, and they'll get through this together. She knows they will. They have to.

"We are one with the Force, and the Force is with us," Chirrut chants softly. Baze joins him a few repetitions in, then Bodhi begins to whisper it, and then finally Jyn joins in as well.

Somehow, K-2 patches them into the comm system so they can hear the pilots. By unspoken agreement, they all stop the chant, listening in silence. Bodhi shrinks into himself a little more every time a ship explodes. Jyn is so grateful he's not up there too. Chirrut, for no reason Jyn can discern, makes a soft noise of surprise when one of the pilots - Red Five - speaks, but other than that, no one makes a sound. Jyn's heart pounds in her chest.

The Force is with them, Chirrut said. The Force is with them, and they have nothing to fear. Everything is going to be alright. Jyn hopes with every inch of her body that Chirrut is right.

* * *

Cassian's eyes open just as the Death Star explodes, and Jyn hasn't really believed in the Force in years, but maybe she can be persuaded to believe again.

**Author's Note:**

> My writing tumblr is [here](http://winterskywrites.tumblr.com/), if you're interested.


End file.
